how soon is soon?

so i guess, i havent had enough yet. ive always known what hurts but still.. i hold on. ive always managed to. so i wait for him to hurt me even more, coz then i know. ill be more than glad to let him go. for now, i wait.. but i really wish it'd be soon. so sooon. its just what i need. i have to get what i need. soon. more hurt than ill be satisfied. and then a smile, that simple gesture ive always missed, that of which people missed too, may appear. and then ill suddenly feel an unfamiliar feeling, happiness. its whats real.